There are at least five good reasons why Attorney General Marc Dann should resign.
First and foremost: I really, really need a haircut.
And I mean really. My sideburns have reached wing-like proportions, and small children are pointing and laughing (more so than usual). But it's next to impossible to get to the local barbershop when one is keeping constant tabs on and mobsters and drunkards.
Also, I really, really need to mow my yard.
And I mean really. The dandelions and grass are at war, and the former are starting to overpower the latter. But trimming fescue and treating weeds during daylight hours is next to impossible when one has to read through thousands of lurid pages to mine such notable quotes as, "I never even heard of Hawaiian pizza."
Besides, my arms are really, really sore.
And I mean really. Standing in one place for a half hour or an hour at a time, both arms outstretched with audio and video recorders while the governor or legislative leaders wax eloquent about the Dann news of the day, takes a toll on a body.
We journalists down too many doughnuts and greasy sandwiches to maintain such physical exertion. I'm not milk toast, but have a heart.
Plus, my after-work dinner-table banter has become really, really limited.
And I mean really. My 2-, 5- and 7-year-olds aren't fully aware of the kinds of hijinks favored by certain public employees, and I'd like to keep it that way for a few more years. But I'm running out of creative ways to beat around the bush when my kids ask me what I did at work today.
Finally, the media big top is firmly entrenched, and the circus isn't leaving town anytime soon.
This never-ending story has reached epic status. Reporters are digging for more dirt, and there's a pretty good chance they'll find it.
Dann should step down now and turn his attentions to his family, his future employment prospects and whatever political future he has in store.
Besides, a quick resignation would allow those of us in the press corps to resume our after-work activities, like grocery shopping, clothes washing, and sleeping.
I really, really shudder to think of the lack of the latter in the event that lawmakers move forward with articles of impeachment.
And I mean really.
Marc Kovac is the Dix Newspapers Capital Bureau chief. E-mail him at mkovac@dixcom.com.